Good morning Tuesday, would you act like a tiny, sweet as candy granny today and bring lovely laughs and pleasant surprises in your worn quilted bag? I already like you, since we have become well acquainted, but everybody loves a little surprised loveliness.
My post today comes from the heart, like the others, but this one comes from a more vulnerable, sensitive place. Any advice following this post is welcome, although somehow just having you read is comforting.
I am eighteen weeks pregnant and have had a great experience thus far. I have enjoyed the stages I have gone through, and have had glimpses here and there of why women just love being pregnant. But I am in this stage right now of feeling fairly discouraged. I have had a hard time with the negativity and even the “light jokes” about how my body, world and all of my dreams are funneling into this one thing: motherhood. All those trips, adventures, and quirky passions of mine must somehow come to a halt in about 4 months because a baby is coming. And let me clarify, this is not me saying that I am not welcoming the changes that a baby brings, because I KNOW they are coming and I am growing to understand the sacrifices, etc. that will need to be made. But what I am saying is that I am tired of the comments that people throw out there thinking that I don’t have any have fears that I am working through. I am still asking God to show me what it looks like to be a mom and a wife and Jo! I get the distinct impression that when people spout out either “concerns”, horror stories or those jokes that are suppose to make me laugh, I just want to say, “HEY, I am getting ready to make a huge transition that is a giant mystery to me, I am a little freaked out and I could use some support, not a story about the freakish things that happened to your best friends mom’s sister!” For real!
I am incredibly grateful for the words that are spoken that remind me that this is an honor and that my adventures may change for a season but certainly not to disappear, so know that I have also heard those comments too. I know that I should let the negativity/freak stories slide off my back, but I think my sensitivity right now has made it a bit more difficult. So God, help! I want to be gracious with my responses to people’s comments, no matter the words- although I sometimes fear that I am going to have a huge vent session on some random person who makes a joke about me being pregnant! I don’t want to do that! So this has been a journal entry of venting, as to get it out and save the innocent by-standers!
Belly pics to come..
People sometimes just don’t think-and I’m sure I’ve said things to you without thinking, too, so I apologize! Don’t worry, Jojo. Just let peoples comments slide right off. No matter what anyone says whether good or bad, your pregnancy is yours alone. (well, Wes’, too ) No one knows what your body will go through, how your life will change, not even you, and to presume we can figure it all out for ourselves or someone else is just absurd. You’re certainly on an adventure. The “negatives” that may come along will most definitely be outshone by all the new and wonderful things you discover being a mom, and seeing your hubby as a dad as you become a precious family of three. As for your responses to others, I’d say just smile and nod and put it out of your mind after that. And if their advice is particularly annoying or frustrating, just respond with “that is an awfully strange thing to say!”
ReplyDeleteJoanna,
ReplyDeleteI know it has been like 20 years since we've seen each other or talked, but I was really touched by this entry. As you (may) know, I have two darling little boys who are 21 months and 5 months old. I too, was so disturbed by people's comments while I was pregnant. To me, pregnancy was so beautiful and amazing, I simply could not understand those people! Even though my experiences were not perfect, I can easily look back on everything and know that both of my pregnancies and births were extraordinary and defining moments in my life. As believers, we have the immeasurable advantage of having God's power, grace, and peace. Even though there are mysterious new challenges to come, take heart and know that God IS honoring you and blessing you with the opportunity to reveal Himself to you and to draw you into a closer relationship with Him. I am constantly amazed at how He is teaching me and changing me into a better version of myself. As a mother, I am more the person I have always wanted to be than the person that I was. Much love to you and your sweet baby. <3
My dear Jo,
ReplyDeleteI am so appreciative of your honesty. This is something I too have struggled with in both of my pregnancies. Of course the first time is definitely more unnerving since you don't really know what to expect and for people to tell you awful stories about their pregnancies or their friends pregnancies and births is hard to take. And even everything afterwards that people might try to tell you can be a little scary too. But let me tell you, no one has a "perfect" pregnancy or a "normal" pregnancy because every pregnancy is different and same with giving birth and the same with being a parent. I was talking to a friend of mine last night about holding our tongues when it comes to talking about how we are raising our children because everyone has an opinion and "their way" is always the right way. People love to talk about their experiences and often selfishly don't think about how these stories might affect the person they are telling them to. It is totally ok to freak out. I do so on a frequent basis :) But let me just say, being a mom and going through this experience is the most amazing thing to me. I feel like growing up we were always praying about God's will for our lives and I've spent most of it trying to figure out what that was, but I know now. It's being a good wife and the best mother I can be. That's it. Giving my children the best childhood that they can possibly have is exactly where God wants me to be.
Shawn and I were married for about three years before we got pregnant with Lex so we had some time to do lots of "couples" things and enjoy each other. It was great! But to this day we often look at each other and say "What did we do before we had a kid?". I don't even remember. Your adventures won't come to a halt they will just be different. But you'll find that they are ten times better when you get to view them through your child's eyes. For example, we go to the fair every year. We always have. The last two years we've taken Lex. And while we still get to enjoy all of the bad-for-you fair foods and check out all of the exhibits like we used to, we also get to ride the carousel and play silly games and OH BOY, those farm animals are the highlight of our outing! :) I know it's hard to picture right now at times, even though I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that you and Wes are super excited and are going to make exceptional parents, but the things that you two did and do before having a child can still go on, they just happen in a different, often more fun, way.
Sorry this is so long, I didn't mean to go on and on like this. But I hope this story and (advice??) aren't frightening but bring you a bit of peace.
Love you lady!
Sweet Jo,
ReplyDeleteThank you for venting and be honest with the world about your feelings! You told me you enjoy my honesty, and I truly appreciate yours as well. Do not even feel about feeling the way you do. Of course venturing into motherhood for the very first time will present so many unknown thoughts, expectations, fears, emotions, etc.
Let me take a moment to remind you what a precious gift you are! And let me also just say that your hopes and dreams are just beginning, Jo. All of the things you probably dreamed of and hoped for as a child and even just months ago when you weren't carrying a little one, those are not lost. No, in fact they are just being reshaped and re-defined, because don't even for a second believe that the Lord didn't have his hand on absolutely every part of this (and you).
Also, let me hopefully be of some additional encouragement in saying the thing that many, if not most, young single women fail to admit: a baby is quite possibly one of the most fulfilling and exciting dreams on our hearts. I know I look at children in Walmart and start to feel my mommy-instincts well up. I've been a babysitter for years, and yet I don't have the privilege of caring for my own children, yet. I'm not saying any of this to make you MORE sad, so please don't misunderstand me. Just know that it will be a joy I can only imagine is so life-changing and fabulous that you will wonder how you could ever love a human being that much. You are precious pregnant, you are precious not pregnant, and will be a smokin' hot mom. So THERE. Feel better :) You're awesome lady!
Thank you wonderful ladies for these incredible comments. I really feel a huge sense of encouragement, which means the world. Thanky ou Ter, Emily, Katie and Jess! Seriously these warmed my heart and really made me think! xoxo
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